Bridesmaid Ettiquette
Getting married comes with all kinds of choices; even the fun of planning your wedding brings serious decisions and responsibility. Choosing your bridesmaids should be an exciting thing for you brides-to-be; the last thing you want is to offend people that you love, or include someone for the wrong reasons.
First of all, remember that this is your day and you choose who is involved. Don’t choose friends out of obligation – who do you want to be there with you every step of the way? Who can you depend on to go on the shopping trips, help you with the flower arrangements and ultimately be there for moral support? Here are a few tips to on bridesmaid etiquette to help you throughout the process:
1. If you have a long enough engagement, give yourself time to enjoy the prospect of your marriage without including anyone else. Spend time with your fiancé and make big decisions like the date, locations and theme of your wedding before asking your bridesmaids. Traditionally, a six month notice is proper, if possible.
2. Choose bridesmaids and groomsmen together – obviously the number of each should match, but also consider your partner’s thoughts on who you are including. Make a list and decide together before you tell anyone else. If you have a large number of friends and family to choose from, don't loose sight of your overall vision for the day (Do you really want 10 people standing on either side of you?). The general consensus is not to exceed 6 couples in your bridal party. Of course, that can be played with.
3. After you choose, ask your bridesmaids individually. Take them out to a favorite lunch spot, dinner date, or shopping trip and give them a token of appreciation or friendship (be creative – make something or write a note). Also keep in mind that you are ASKING them, not telling them. This is an investment in time, money and energy for everyone involved and if one of your bridal party is not happy about being there, it can really cast a shadow on the feeling of the day.
4. Give your maid of honor (and best man) a sense of responsibility. Give her an idea of what she will be responsible to set the president right away. She needs to have an idea of what you expect from her and what kind of involvement she should count on. This way, you won’t end up with a dead beat or an overly involved right-hand-woman.
5. After everyone is informed, try having some sort of get together with the entire bridal party, or just the bridesmaids. You want to be able to work as a team and keep your “players” informed. Make them feel wanted and honored to be a part of your special day – have a catered lunch, informal drink night at your place, or evening at a park to relax together.
6. Be conscious of your friends’ budgets. It is expected that the bridesmaids pay for their own dresses, hair and make-up. However, if you absolutely have your heart set on those Vera Wang gowns, you might want to consider paying for a portion of the dress. Your bridesmaids probably didn’t agree to the task with the intent of spending $400 on a dress.
7. Keep them informed throughout your planning process. A website is a great way to do this, and also a fun way to plan your wedding as a couple. Send your bridesmaids written reminders and fun updates to keep everyone just as excited as you are.
8. It is customary to give your bridesmaids gifts as a thank-you for their help and devotion to you. The gifts don’t have to be over-the-top expensive, but they should be elegant and meaningful. Try pearl necklaces to wear on the wedding day, or personalized jewelry boxes. These gifts are the best if they strike a personal note. Remind them of the good times in your past and thank them for helping with your future.
Whatever you do, always remember that your bridesmaids are there to help you. If this is a painful process, there is definitely something wrong. Choose friends and family that you care about and want to have around, and have fun!
First of all, remember that this is your day and you choose who is involved. Don’t choose friends out of obligation – who do you want to be there with you every step of the way? Who can you depend on to go on the shopping trips, help you with the flower arrangements and ultimately be there for moral support? Here are a few tips to on bridesmaid etiquette to help you throughout the process:
1. If you have a long enough engagement, give yourself time to enjoy the prospect of your marriage without including anyone else. Spend time with your fiancé and make big decisions like the date, locations and theme of your wedding before asking your bridesmaids. Traditionally, a six month notice is proper, if possible.
2. Choose bridesmaids and groomsmen together – obviously the number of each should match, but also consider your partner’s thoughts on who you are including. Make a list and decide together before you tell anyone else. If you have a large number of friends and family to choose from, don't loose sight of your overall vision for the day (Do you really want 10 people standing on either side of you?). The general consensus is not to exceed 6 couples in your bridal party. Of course, that can be played with.
3. After you choose, ask your bridesmaids individually. Take them out to a favorite lunch spot, dinner date, or shopping trip and give them a token of appreciation or friendship (be creative – make something or write a note). Also keep in mind that you are ASKING them, not telling them. This is an investment in time, money and energy for everyone involved and if one of your bridal party is not happy about being there, it can really cast a shadow on the feeling of the day.
4. Give your maid of honor (and best man) a sense of responsibility. Give her an idea of what she will be responsible to set the president right away. She needs to have an idea of what you expect from her and what kind of involvement she should count on. This way, you won’t end up with a dead beat or an overly involved right-hand-woman.
5. After everyone is informed, try having some sort of get together with the entire bridal party, or just the bridesmaids. You want to be able to work as a team and keep your “players” informed. Make them feel wanted and honored to be a part of your special day – have a catered lunch, informal drink night at your place, or evening at a park to relax together.
6. Be conscious of your friends’ budgets. It is expected that the bridesmaids pay for their own dresses, hair and make-up. However, if you absolutely have your heart set on those Vera Wang gowns, you might want to consider paying for a portion of the dress. Your bridesmaids probably didn’t agree to the task with the intent of spending $400 on a dress.
7. Keep them informed throughout your planning process. A website is a great way to do this, and also a fun way to plan your wedding as a couple. Send your bridesmaids written reminders and fun updates to keep everyone just as excited as you are.
8. It is customary to give your bridesmaids gifts as a thank-you for their help and devotion to you. The gifts don’t have to be over-the-top expensive, but they should be elegant and meaningful. Try pearl necklaces to wear on the wedding day, or personalized jewelry boxes. These gifts are the best if they strike a personal note. Remind them of the good times in your past and thank them for helping with your future.
Whatever you do, always remember that your bridesmaids are there to help you. If this is a painful process, there is definitely something wrong. Choose friends and family that you care about and want to have around, and have fun!
posted by OahuWedding at
2:54 AM
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